Advice From An Introvert: 5 Ways to Stop Overthinking and Start Living

I am one of the people who overthinks everything. And when I say everything, I really mean everything. Getting dressed is hell. Walking out the door nearly 30 minutes late and realizing you should be wearing the black pumps instead of the boots with the gold heel feels as if Satan is screwing with your mind while he’s getting off as you burn in hell.

Example: I once ordered a latte, gave it to a homeless man and drove to a Starbucks nearly 10 minutes away so I didn’t have to order from the same barista.  I go into Starbucks nearly everyday and I have never ordered anything besides black coffee. Nevertheless, every single time I stare at the drinks menu, occasionally letting people go in front of me while I pretend to read it. I only enjoy the first 2 sips of pumpkin spice latte but is it enough for me to buy one? I don’t fucking know. Maybe I’ll figure it out after another 600 visits.

I’m an introvert; I am one of the shyest people you’ll ever meet and although half the time I’m trying really hard to “keep it cool” (24 years of practice has really paid off) my mind is actually going a million miles a minute.  Can anyone relate?

advice from a twenty something introvert

I’ve read countless articles on how to overcome shyness and how to be a “better” you. I have held a few conversation with people with completely different personalities than my own and few other with people just like me. Similarly, I’ve tried to make my own assumptions and listed the why’s, how’s, pro’s, and con’s of being an introvert. In other words, I’ve spent hours on end overthinking my situation. Over the years, however, I’ve changed. I worked my way to manage my anxiety, steer away from absolute shyness, and learned to stand up for myself. How?

5 WAYS TO HELP DEAL WITH SHYNESS AND ANXIETY:

SPEECH CLASS AND COLLEGE

Well if you’re not going to college join a free course or Toastmasters!

One of my biggest fears was presenting. Someone once told me that getting nervous was a good thing because it was a sign that  you were excited to do your best. He’s fucking crazy because this has never been the case for me. I hated my speech class more than I hate the color purple. Just like the class, I could’ve avoided wearing it all together but finding the perfect purple platforms convinced me otherwise. Speech was my first big step. Focusing on my grades and studying to always being ready to answer any questions during my presentations gave me the boost of confidence I needed.

I once talked to a therapist that told me anxiety came from fear. He asked me why I felt so threatened by presentations, confrontations, and every other social scenario. After 500 “I don’t know’s” I told him that I felt like I knew nothing. It was such a relief to be so aware that having more confidence (or at least just pretending to) could help ease my stress over having to deal with presentations and social interactions.

PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE SPOTLIGHT

Constantly putting yourself in situations you’d normally find too uncomfortable is the best medicine to fight those intolerable nerves. My last year in college I began volunteering to present even though I hated every minute of it. Although it can be difficult, making yourself do something you’re uncomfortable with, you’ll slowly grow courage to do it more often without feeling threatened. This probably makes me sound as if I always take the lead. I don’t. It’s 4 out 10 times I take those chances because the other 60% is to scared to even consider.

STOP JUDGING YOURSELF

You know when you’re having a good day and then you’re reminded of you of something stupid and embarrassing you decide to hide instead? I’d beat myself down and get angry for nearly every situation. Forcing yourself to forget about it is a terrible habit. What should you do instead? Every time you catch yourself criticizing yourself, stop and ask yourself why and list all the reasons why it shouldn’t bother you. Just breathe. Trust me, if you’re generally nervous, coping with judging yourself or comparing yourself to others can definitely help fight the anxiety.

BLOGGING

Truthfully, it doesn’t have to be blogging. It can be anything from writing a short story, taking dance classes, or making YouTube videos. Having something as intimate – as blogging – go live and being able to live through the embarrassment, anxiety, or judgement, is one of the biggest accomplishments that will help you lose your fear.

It started as a hobby and slowly turned into an outlet where I could explore my writing, storytelling, and application of all the marketing and business tools I learned in college. The anxiety I got from finally hitting the “publish” button was unnerving. In these two years, I’ve written things I would have probably never shown anyone. Truthfully, I couldn’t bear my own sister reading my writing and blushed even when I wrote my boyfriend a letter but it has definitely gotten better.

CONTROL OVERTHINKING

The biggest issue, which I always associated with being too nervous, is overthinking. Egregious, is what it is and I’m still trying to overcome this unnecessary habit. When things are going well, overthinking becomes less of a priority than when things are going bad. There are moments in my life where my anxiety gets the best of me that I even forget to eat. I left my keys in my car all day, with the engine running, TWICE.

When life gets rough, write a list of every possible thing that is going wrong and worry about it until you calm myself down. Then, restrict yourself from thinking about it until your next “worry session“. Don’t forget to list the possible solutions to every problem. Ask yourself if it is even your fault and how you can fix it.

If things are going fine you should still practice this worry session. As an over-thinker, you never know when anxiety can come busting in.

overthinking_introvert-5 overthinking_introvert-3

Get The Look:

overthinking_introvert-2 overthinking_introvert-1 suede-skirt-8 suede-skirt-5 suede-skirt-2 suede-skirt-3 suede-skirt-1

Get The Look:

Follow:

21 Comments

    • January 23, 2017 / 12:09 pm

      I never thought blogging would help me this much and I’ll never regret any of it! I would definitely recommend anyone struggling as shy or introverted pick up something like this!

  1. Nataly
    November 30, 2016 / 9:35 am

    I love this post! I am an introvert too and I started my blog to help me overcome my fears of being in the spotlight. It has really helped me! Your outfit is great too! I love that skirt.

    -Nataly

    • January 23, 2017 / 12:08 pm

      Thank you so much, Nataly! I hope this post helped! I’m happy your blog has helped you come out of your shell too!

  2. November 30, 2016 / 3:22 pm

    I LOVE THIS. FREAKING LOVE IT. Caps were mandatory for that. You are so brave! I have to “fake it” most of the time too — starting conversations, pretending I know what I want to say and say it is something I am getting really good at it. Another blogger was talking about how she is super shy and didn’t know how to go about it, and I told her that while I am at work, I am somehow talkative, confident…and that outside of work, I am so shy and stumble over my words and close myself off to others. I try to be my “work” self outside of work and it helps so much. I pretend it’s “my job” and I somehow gain confidence. When you force yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, yes it’s uncomfortable, but you realize how much you can push yourself to really open up and experience the world around you.
    PS Love your outfits. Keep going girl, you got this. <3<3<3

    • January 23, 2017 / 12:06 pm

      Tanya, you’re such a sweetheart!
      That is such an interesting way of thinking about it! I’m the opposite I’m super shy at work but lately I’ve just been telling myself I am super confident and am super knowledgable on the topic so I’m not afraid to take initiative! It took me so long to finally start blogging I just want to tell other introverts they can do it too!

  3. December 1, 2016 / 10:29 am

    I love your outfit and I love this post! Xo

  4. December 2, 2016 / 10:21 am

    Omg I LOVE this. I am definitely a shy introvert too. It’s so hard to not judge yourself, but we definitely are our own worst critics. Something I am definitely working on also. 🙂

    Xoxo Amber

    • January 23, 2017 / 12:01 pm

      We are! It is such a difficult thing but once you can get over your criticism it becomes much easier to focus on being happy!

    • January 23, 2017 / 11:58 am

      Aww thank you so much Nicole! It is pretty old from H&M!

  5. December 5, 2016 / 3:23 pm

    Ah most definitely definitely relate to all of this. I am also an overthinker & introvert & have experienced major anxiety, especially this year. Feel like I am going through a quarter life crisis most of the time lol. Blogging is such a great outlet, but of course I worry about where my life is going, etc. etc. I think I will try a worry session- thanks for sharing this coping strategy. You look amazing per usual!

    xoxo
    Kristie
    http://www.kristiesreverie.com

    • January 23, 2017 / 11:56 am

      I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one! It definitely helps when others share their difficulties and tips on how they’ve dealt with all of it! I bet! I know you recently moved to London. That must’ve been such a big step in your life! Keep striving Kristie!

  6. January 11, 2017 / 5:51 pm

    Hello, Jessica, your blog is very nice, I am surprised to find out that you are introverted. I am very shy and quiet myself, but like you writing opened a door to express myself in many different ways, when I am writing I am not shy and I love it. I am following your blog.

    • January 23, 2017 / 11:54 am

      Thank you so much Maria! I am such an introvert and super shy! I’ve struggled with it for years and writing is just such a unique and comfortable way I can share my thoughts and opinions! I’m glad you’re following along and hope to get to know you a little better!

  7. Dikesh
    August 28, 2017 / 4:51 pm

    being an introvert i think too much about myself, my future plans, nd i cant stop thinking about it for a long time..currently i have no friends to tell them my own..nd i think its troubling my sleening routine, cause when i get to bed at night i dont fall asleep. in my heads a lots of thoughts statrts roaming for a long time… nd now i dont know what to do about it..!!

    • August 30, 2017 / 4:00 pm

      I was and sometimes still am the same way! Thoughts just eat you up sometimes! I would definitely suggest trying any of these tips out and to talk about it with someone who might understand. Find something that will distract you from always thinking too much 🙂 Hope this helps!

      • Dikesh
        August 31, 2017 / 2:37 pm

        i m jst trying to tell my thoughts to someone. nd now feeling lil bit easy nd getiing enough of sleep .

Leave a Reply